BY KELLY HAGEN
Q. How do I explain to my young kids all of the political ugliness that is going on in America right now?
A. Very, very carefully. End of column.
OK, fine, I’ll expound.
I’m in my 40s, and my kids are 9 and 5 years old. So, not incredibly aware of the bigger world around them, but occasionally, bits and pieces slip into their psyche.
I hear from my 9-year-old daughter, who is very shy and deals with selective mutism, what the other kids in her class are saying about politics, and not surprisingly, it’s mostly very conservative viewpoints. We live in North Dakota, which is a strong red state. Chances are that most of her classmates’ parents vote Republican, and their kids hear everything.
As parents, my wife and I try very hard not to discuss politics in front of our kids. My parents didn’t ever push me to share their political persuasion, and I’m not going to steer my kids in either direction. That’s their choice to make, someday.
However, we do teach them wrong from right, and that bullying is not allowed. It was considerably easier to teach our daughter that, because she is very shy and naturally cooperative with everyone.
Her dentist goes out of his way to remark at how easy it is to work on my daughter’s teeth, because she’s very quiet and doesn’t fuss or fidget. Just opens her mouth when told to, or bites down. She’s incredibly respectful to adults, and all of her teachers (she’s in the fourth grade currently) remark at how sweet she is. She’s not a problem child.
My son, though …
He’s still figuring out his place in the world. He pushes and hits other kids at his day care center, and puts his wants above those of his classmates. If someone takes a toy that he had his eye on, that’s stealing to him and he’s going to say or do something about it.
We have a lot of conversations with him about that. It’s been tricky, because we didn’t need to teach our daughter empathy. She’s just always had it. Her brother is still learning.
The only time my daughter has proactively mentioned anything remotely political was in 2016, after she had heard that one of the candidates for president planned to “build a wall” on the border to Mexico. And she was concerned enough about this to come home from kindergarten and talk about it with her mom and I about how this couldn’t happen because “then we’d be trapped!”
She doesn’t like barriers.
We don’t watch TV news at home. I subscribe to our local newspaper electronically, and most of our news comes to us online. The kids don’t see that, and aren’t really aware of how childish adults can act, when money and power are involved.
Someday they will. My job, as a parent, is to build those basic fundamentals about what it is to be a human being, a member of our family, a friend and relative to people outside of our house, and a citizen of the world.
If we do a good job of that, and teaching them that there are other people in this world who aren’t them, and they all have wants, desires, needs and opinions, just like they do, I think they’ll make the right decisions on how they choose to treat people as adults.
They’ll pick a side, politically, or they won’t. But, most importantly, they won’t bully people or force their thoughts onto others. Think for yourself, but always help others when you can. And the rest of it works itself out. Usually.
Just be careful. Very, very careful.
Kelly Hagen is a former newspaper journalist, a writer and communications professional. He lives in Bismarck, N.D., with his wife, Annette, and their two young children. If you have a question you’d like to Ask A Dad, send an e-mail to kelly.hagen@gmail.com.
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