BY KELLY HAGEN
Q. Every day in the car, my kids want to listen to the new Taylor Swift album, and I, the dad, want to listen to the new Tool album. What should I do?
A. Concentrate on driving, for one. Hands on 10 and 2. Look behind you before you switch lanes. Use those turn signals.
As to what’s playing on your vehicle’s entertainment console, you’re not wrong and the kids ain’t wrong, either. You just have different tastes, and your kids are in a different space than you. They can appreciate the chirpy pop and angst-filled songwriting style that Taylor Swift has perfected. Good on them.
If that music appeals to any grown adults reading this column, then good on you, too.
Myself, I am 41 years old. I’m tired a lot. Moody. My back hurts. Why does my back hurt so all the time? I didn’t used to like 10-minute songs, but now I get it. And I listened to Tool back when I was the child, and it drove my parents nuts the same way that Taylor Swift drives me nuts now.
It’s an important part of growing up to find out what music annoys your parents the most, and concentrate in on that genre. My Grandpa Marty listened near-exclusively to polka songs played over AM radio stations, and he despised the rock ’n’ roll. Want to guess what music my dad grew to love?
So then, as I came of age, my dad was listening to rock music, like the Beatles and the Rolling Stones, but he also discovered relatively cool rock music, including alternative bands like Pearl Jam, Alice in Chains and R.E.M., plus punk bands such as Social Distortion. So I didn’t have much room to maneuver.
You know what music he hated? Hip-hop. Want to guess what music I fell in love with in my teen years?
I went to school way back when in a small town titled Wilton, N.D. I graduated in a class of 16 students. It was as rural as rural gets, but my friends (or, more accurately, the kids I aspired to be friends with) listened to Dr. Dre, Snoop Doggy Dogg and 2Pac. Those kids who didn’t like hip-hop were listening to country music. There really weren’t any rock fans in my school, which was weird but very Wilton.
Anyway, I had to stake out my own claim in music, separate from my dad’s territory. And, once I was given permission to use his then-very-expensive CD player, I stocked up on BMG and Columbia House copies of albums by Naughty By Nature, Outkast, A Tribe Called Quest and, yes, unfortunately M.C. Hammer and Vanilla Ice.
I was the first kid in Wilton to own Shaq’s debut (and hopefully only) album, “Shaq Diesel.” Almost got to be popular for two minutes of my life, based on that accomplishment. Suddenly I was being asked questions like, “Is it any good?” (Yeah, it’s great!), “Why do you do these things, Kelly?” (I just want attention.) and “Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself?” (Because you’re manipulating my arm, you weasel.)
And then, one day, I woke up and discovered my dad’s tastes in music weren’t that bad. I stole his cassette of the Replacements (the band, not the Keanu Reeves movie about scab football players). I fell in love with Nirvana and R.E.M. and Tool. Because these bands were so young, stupid and angry, and I, too, was young, stupid and angry. Plus I was always hitting myself.
So, I realize that’s why I’m still listening to Tool, and my kids hate it and think I’m a dork. Because I kind of am, the same way my dad was a dork. Eventually they grow up, and realize Dad’s cooler than they thought he was.
Or they won’t. My dad never embraced polka music. Maybe it skips a generation? Either way, it’s your car, so listen to whatever you want. Make sure to roll down the windows and head bang as you drive past their friends. Embarrassment builds character.
Kelly Hagen is a writer and communications professional. He lives in Bismarck with his wife, Annette, and their two young children. If you have a question you’d like to Ask A Dad, send e-mail to kelly.hagen@gmail.com, or leave a comment at the Prairie Parent Facebook page, www.facebook.com/prairieparent.
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